Excuse Me While I Rant

Finished my first week of Chemo!! When I say there was no way I could have been 100% prepared for this week...MAN! I wanted to document my journey this week daily, however, things don't always go as planned. The first day was by far the easiest but by Wednesday I was in a ball of tears. I remember waking up and just lying in bed, thinking to myself, "God please let today go by quickly." Everyday started off the same: check in at the hospital at 9am, get IV fluids, urinate 100ccs/hr, get nausea meds and steroids, get chemo drugs, and finished off with more IV fluids. The entire process takes about 4-5 hours. It sounds pretty straightforward but I promise it's anything but. Everyone wants me to focus on "getting my treatments," but life doesn't stop just because you're sick. Sooooo getting back to Wednesday's tears....I was so exhausted Wednesday morning. The steroids I get keep me up at night, I'm peeing every hour at night from all of the IV fluids and I literally feel as if the life is being drained out of me day in and day out.

 I start my treatment per usual Wednesday morning and begin my morning convo with my mom. We're interrupted by a series of social workers, phone calls, nurses, insurance ppl, etc, etc. I remember my mom on the phone talking with a lady about how to get medications and what not...meanwhile I'm on the phone with insurance people frustrated because it's been two weeks and my stuff has yet to go through to Cobra. I don't know what triggered the first tear I just remember feeling so overwhelmed. I felt like no one understood how hard it was just for me to sit for a treatment. Adding on all this business was so freaking aggravating. Everyday, I'm checking on this person, following up with the next, getting the run around from someone else...I just wanted to SCREAM!! I was so frustrated I snapped at my mom...which only made me feel even worse cause she was only trying to comfort me. She stepped out to get lunch and I'm pretty sure asked my nurse to come speak with me but she entered not too long after. Thank God for nurses. Never thought I'd be the patient crying to my nurse but things are different when the roles are reversed. I don't remember our conversation I just appreciated her allowing me to vent. I just needed a release and for someone to take a moment and listen to me.

I don't want to continue ranting and complaining...I guess I just wanted to share my frustrations. Everyday is not perfect...I am not always happy. I will cry. I will not feel like getting out of bed. I will have to allow people to help me. BUT I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!! Dear God, I have to get through this!