God's Hugs

Sunday night, as I was preparing to go to bed, I had a very uneasy saddening feeling. I knew what was to come Monday morning, my third cycle of chemo, and I did not want to go in any way, shape or form. I called my Mike to help ease my anxiety. He did his best to provide me with encouraging words, but sometimes when we get in a "mood" it can be hard to shake. Nonetheless, he was able to help ease my anxiety enough to fall asleep...that and I have drugs to help with just about anything (prescription of course  ;-)  So, I wake up Monday morning and just lie in bed as I listen to my alarm going off. The same feelings of sadness had returned, though I did not have much anxiety. By this time I already knew what to expect once I got to the hospital. I think it was just more the thought of what was to come following my chemotherapy. As far as symptoms and side effects go.

I had finally begun to feel like a normal person, besides the constant fatigue. So, the thought of having that sense of normalcy taken away from me was one of the worst feelings. Sleepless nights, losing weight from not being able to eat as much, the general feeling of being uncomfortable, I could go on and on as to why I did not want to go back to chemo...BUT I knew in the back of my mind it was for the best. That I have to complete my journey and I cannot allow this stupid cancer to get the best of me. Despite my sadness, I mustard up the strength and courage and made my way to the hospital.

My mom was with me, as she is most days. She asked, how I was feeling and I couldn't bring myself to be 100% honest. I wasn't trying to be a Debbie downer and I knew somehow I had to shake the feeling. So, I did what any normal girl would do in these situations. I went to the bathroom and called my boyfriend...again lol. Once again he helped calm me down and told me to "get out of the bathroom," aka MAN-UP. So I got myself together and went back into the lobby with my mother. By this time I had my labs drawn and met with my doctor. It was now time to go to the waiting area for chemo. I chose our seats next to these big windows. I was drawn to them because of I noticed the sun shinning through. I don't know what happened but as soon as I sat down my spirits instantly lifted.

Something about me and the sun is very comforting. I've always enjoyed outdoors and just nature in general. It's kind of like God's way of hugging me...at least that's how I like to think of it. My bear hug from God was all I needed to make it through the rest of the day. Throughout the day I also received so much encouragement from friends, family and my adopted social media family. Then there is my mom, God I don't know what I would do without that woman. She kept me laughing the whole day, just being silly. So, chemo cycle 3 day 1, I say was a success. Thank you to all who made my day turn out for the better! Love you guys XOXOXO