Hurt people, hurt people.

Hurt people, hurt people and I am no exception to this statement. Throughout my journey I have had the most amazing group of supporters. Family, friends, and people I've never even met. A lot of times, I find myself taking things out on the people closest to me. Having cancer and going through treatment for cancer can hurt your spirit. I personally go through periods where "I just don't feel right.," as if my spirit is not at peace. When you are going through a difficult time in your life, all you want is for someone to empathize with you. They may not completely understand but they are there to comfort you and encourage you. No matter what they say or how helpful they are, you only see the negative. For example, I remember expressing to someone that I woke up feeling very sad and emotional. Their response was, "I understand, but don't let it keep you down. It is so early in the day. You are still able to make the rest of the day a good day." My response was so dismissive ..."You don't understand. Just let me be sad. I don't want to think about the rest of the day. Right now I'm sad and that's just it." I then ended the conversation by abruptly getting off the phone.

Now I'm not one to use excuses but to my defense I have noted that chemotherapy causes one to have a lot of mood swings. One minute I'm happy with life and all is well. The next minute I'm sad and depressed and just want my life back. Of course, most people will never completely understand this, having never experienced it. That doesn't mean they can't still give you words of encouragement and try to cheer you up.

 I appreciate everything everyone has done for me. I do not take for granted anything or anyone God has placed in my life. What makes me most happy is those people who I know I have snapped at are still around and still putting up with me. So I can't be that bad of a person lol. I recognize that we are only human and those who truly love us unconditionally will always be there. So starting now (not waiting for the New Year) I am working on being a better me. I will not allow this stupid cancer to control my life or hurt my spirit. I am healed by His stripes and I know God has so much more in store for me. Stay tuned 2014 is going to be a GREAT year :-)