Cancer Free in 2014

January 7, 2014, a day that I will always remember. I met with my oncologist to get the results of my most recent labs and tests. I remember feeling very calm and "normal." I was not scared or nervous because I already knew what she was going to tell me. I already proclaimed after my last round of chemo, December 6, 2013, that I would be going into 2014 CANCER FREE!! Dr.Lee only confirmed what I already knew to be true. Many other women do not get the same news as I have and I do not take what He has given me for granted. I plan to continue to spread awareness about ovarian cancer. 2014 I plan to give back and I also hope to participate in my first run/walk for ovarian cancer. 2014 has already proven to be a very promising year...watch me work ;-)

Time to Get Back to Work

There are plenty of books dedicated to help you deal with cancer and how to continue to live a normal life. Reading a book and actually experiencing real life situations are however, completely different. Being out of work during treatment has been a struggle. Struggling with the question of , When should I go back to work?Do I try and work as I'm going through treatment? Will I be able to work as I'm going through treatment? Should I wait until after the holidays to start looking for work? Should I wait until I am cancer free before I apply?  All very valid questions but no one could really advise me on what I should do.

Two things I was sure of. #1. I did not want to continue working as a traveling nurse. I had promised myself that I would only travel for a year which I was able to accomplish before learning of my tumor. #2. I wanted a position that coincided with my career goals. Right around Thanksgiving I began applying for jobs at surrounding hospitals. It took about a month before I started to hear back and was asked to interview. I was excited and nervous because it had been so long since I have had an interview. 

Now that I was being called for interviews, I was faced with more questions. Do I tell them I have cancer? Should I rock my baldie to the interview? How do I explain my gap of employment? All these questions were starting to drive me CRAZY!! I finally decided to go into these interviews wearing my wig and looking as strong and healthy as possible. I wanted to be selected for the position for my work ethic and not because they felt sorry for me. On the other hand I did not want them to see me as weak and unable to perform the expected job duties. I decided not to bring up my condition in any way and I focused on highlighting why I would be a great asset to the team. My interview went well and I was never questioned about my gap of employment. Literally two hours after my interview I was offered the job!! I DID IT!! 

I am only Human

Everyday continues to be a struggle. While I'm starting to feel like myself again, I still have good days and bad. I can remember one morning I woke up in one of the best spirits I had been in a while. Trying not to go stir crazy from sitting in the house, I decided to go to the mall and do a little window shopping. I went to Sephora and tried on some lipstick. I'm not much of a makeup person so  I easily get overwhelmed by all of the beauty  products they have to offer. Let's just say that trip was short lived. I went to different stores trying on scarves, hats, shirts and became overwhelmed. A different type of feeling I had felt while in Sephora. An overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me and I could feel a breakdown coming. I ran to the nearest dressing room, locked myself in a room and looked into the mirror. I looked at myself trying to understand where this was all coming from. I took off my wig, wanting to look at myself in my natural state. It was then that I lost it. It was like the devil was speaking to me through that mirror. "Look at how skinny you've become," "You're so pale," "You have patches of hair on your head, please put your wig back on." All of my insecurities began to surface and my sadness began to take over. As I looked at myself in the mirror I saw an insecure woman. A woman who was sick and who allowed herself to become a victim of her illness.

Never before have I had this happen to me. I have always been a very secure woman, who did not care what people thought of me. "What you think of me, is none of my business.," words that I live by. For some reason being at the mall, seeing all these people who appeared to be so happy. Beautiful, healthy people. I didn't feel like I belonged with these people. I felt like everyone knew I had cancer and looked at me with disgust in their eyes. I just had to get away from everyone and be alone. I found my solitude in that dressing room. Once I was able to pull myself together, I ran to my car and went home.

I've found at times when you feel like you're at your lowest point... pray. I knew that this insecure woman was not me and I did not want to claim any of that negativity. I asked God to take it away from me and to help me shake these negative thoughts. He came through, as He always does and this time in the form of a child. My little cousin, who is 3 years old, came to check on me. She brought me books and some of her stuffed animals to help comfort me. The innocence of a child is so sacred...in her mind we were just playing but I believe God sent her to me to bring peace. No matter how strong I "think" I am on my own, I know that I am nothing without God. I would not be able to go through this battle alone. Through my happiest days and through my dark days, He has never left my side.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Stage Fright

When I first started this blog, I had no idea how many people would actually read it. In my mind, I am just putting my thoughts in writing to help release whatever I'm going through on that particular day. So when I was contacted by motivational speaker, Jai Cook, to speak at her event appropriately titled, "Time to Do You," I was pleasantly surprised. Jai reached out to me via Instagram (the power of social media) and asked if I would be interested in sharing my story. Without hesitation I agreed and later thought to myself, "what did I just agree to?." It's so much easier to share things on my blog or to post videos and pictures on Facebook or Instagram...but to tell my story in person, in front of a group of people is another story.

Meeting Jai helped to ease my mind and calm my nerves, as she has such a beautiful spirit.The first time I actually met her was at the event. Like most of us she comes from a difficult past, which you would never be able to tell from just looking at her. I thought to myself, "If Jai has come from such a troubled past and she did not allow herself to become a victim of her past...then I should be able to tell my story with no problem." I spent the afternoon listening to speeches from such inspiring women, while in the back of my mind praying that I wouldn't get on stage and freeze!

My moment finally came, "...introducing Crystal Bailey." I slowly walked up to the stage, trying not to trip and fall  in front of everyone in my 6 inch heels. I get to the podium, stand tall, and look out into the audience noting everyone's blank stares..."Good evening everyone..." Ok, that wasn't so bad. After a few shaky words and nerves came out, the words just began to flow out of my mouth like I had done this a million times before. Blank stares turned into attentive listening and I knew that I was reaching people.

After my speech, the event soon ended. People began coming to me, thanking me for sharing my story. Some offering prayers and giving me hugs, others shared personal stories of how cancer touched their lives.It was then I knew then that my nerves and reservations about public speaking were irrelevant. I was able to empower and educate others just by telling my story, which was truly a blessing to me. A young woman approached me and shared with me that she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and would soon be undergoing a double mastectomy. All I could do was hug her. I saw myself in her and I immediately felt her pain. In some strange way I felt as if my hug would take away her pain. If only hugs were that powerful, I would speak in every city around the country until I was able to hug any and everyone going through life's challenges.

 Jai and I 

Visit Jai's website for upcoming events http://www.jaispeaks2u.com/

Hurt people, hurt people.

Hurt people, hurt people and I am no exception to this statement. Throughout my journey I have had the most amazing group of supporters. Family, friends, and people I've never even met. A lot of times, I find myself taking things out on the people closest to me. Having cancer and going through treatment for cancer can hurt your spirit. I personally go through periods where "I just don't feel right.," as if my spirit is not at peace. When you are going through a difficult time in your life, all you want is for someone to empathize with you. They may not completely understand but they are there to comfort you and encourage you. No matter what they say or how helpful they are, you only see the negative. For example, I remember expressing to someone that I woke up feeling very sad and emotional. Their response was, "I understand, but don't let it keep you down. It is so early in the day. You are still able to make the rest of the day a good day." My response was so dismissive ..."You don't understand. Just let me be sad. I don't want to think about the rest of the day. Right now I'm sad and that's just it." I then ended the conversation by abruptly getting off the phone.

Now I'm not one to use excuses but to my defense I have noted that chemotherapy causes one to have a lot of mood swings. One minute I'm happy with life and all is well. The next minute I'm sad and depressed and just want my life back. Of course, most people will never completely understand this, having never experienced it. That doesn't mean they can't still give you words of encouragement and try to cheer you up.

 I appreciate everything everyone has done for me. I do not take for granted anything or anyone God has placed in my life. What makes me most happy is those people who I know I have snapped at are still around and still putting up with me. So I can't be that bad of a person lol. I recognize that we are only human and those who truly love us unconditionally will always be there. So starting now (not waiting for the New Year) I am working on being a better me. I will not allow this stupid cancer to control my life or hurt my spirit. I am healed by His stripes and I know God has so much more in store for me. Stay tuned 2014 is going to be a GREAT year :-)

Graduation Day

Friday, December 6, 2013, my last day of chemotherapy!! I woke up feeling pretty terrible, as the week had taken it's toll on me. I received plenty of encouraging words and congratulations that morning. As much as I wanted to dance and rip out the PICC line from my arm...I had to still make it thru the day. I wanted more than anything for it to be over, so I did what ever I could to distract my self from the poison taking over my body.  I missed Scandal the night before so the first thing I did was catch up on the latest episode :-)
All you could hear was gasps and "OMGs" from my mother and I watching the episode...lol Scandal tends to have that effect. My entertain was short lived and I was quickly brought back to reality as the show ended...Damn that Shonda Rimes.

Still after the excitement of Scandal my mood was still pretty solemn. I was dehydrated and hadn't been able to eat much in the last 24 hours. My nurse was patient with me and gave me more IV fluids to help with the dehydration. My mom tried to encourage me to eat and drink something but I was too stubborn and tired to be obedient...sorry mom. Later that afternoon some of my friends and boyfriend came to celebrate with me. They came bearing gifts of talking stuffed animals and Panera bread which was equivalent to a steak dinner, considering how hungry I was. We reminisced , laughed and joked and before I knew it...I was done!! "Ok, all done.," my nurse rejoiced as she disconnected my IV. The most beautiful words she could have said. I could not believe I did it. I completed chemotherapy. I was happy for it to be over but so not looking forward to recovery.

Dreading the recovery process to come, I decided to celebrate the best I could, with what energy I had left. We took lots of pictures and went eat some of my favorite food...Mexican!! Overall, it was a great day. I DID IT!! Graduating from chemotherapy was probably 100 times better than my college graduation. It brought me one step closer to fighting for my life, which is priceless.

 A gift from my chemo nurses

Speaking Annoucement

I am pleased to announce I will be speaking at my first event, Sunday December 16, 2014, in Charlotte North Carolina. I would love to see you all. There will be plenty of vendors and other actives going on as well. Go to http://www.jaispeaks2u.com/ for more information and to purchase your tickets.

God's Hugs

Sunday night, as I was preparing to go to bed, I had a very uneasy saddening feeling. I knew what was to come Monday morning, my third cycle of chemo, and I did not want to go in any way, shape or form. I called my Mike to help ease my anxiety. He did his best to provide me with encouraging words, but sometimes when we get in a "mood" it can be hard to shake. Nonetheless, he was able to help ease my anxiety enough to fall asleep...that and I have drugs to help with just about anything (prescription of course  ;-)  So, I wake up Monday morning and just lie in bed as I listen to my alarm going off. The same feelings of sadness had returned, though I did not have much anxiety. By this time I already knew what to expect once I got to the hospital. I think it was just more the thought of what was to come following my chemotherapy. As far as symptoms and side effects go.

I had finally begun to feel like a normal person, besides the constant fatigue. So, the thought of having that sense of normalcy taken away from me was one of the worst feelings. Sleepless nights, losing weight from not being able to eat as much, the general feeling of being uncomfortable, I could go on and on as to why I did not want to go back to chemo...BUT I knew in the back of my mind it was for the best. That I have to complete my journey and I cannot allow this stupid cancer to get the best of me. Despite my sadness, I mustard up the strength and courage and made my way to the hospital.

My mom was with me, as she is most days. She asked, how I was feeling and I couldn't bring myself to be 100% honest. I wasn't trying to be a Debbie downer and I knew somehow I had to shake the feeling. So, I did what any normal girl would do in these situations. I went to the bathroom and called my boyfriend...again lol. Once again he helped calm me down and told me to "get out of the bathroom," aka MAN-UP. So I got myself together and went back into the lobby with my mother. By this time I had my labs drawn and met with my doctor. It was now time to go to the waiting area for chemo. I chose our seats next to these big windows. I was drawn to them because of I noticed the sun shinning through. I don't know what happened but as soon as I sat down my spirits instantly lifted.

Something about me and the sun is very comforting. I've always enjoyed outdoors and just nature in general. It's kind of like God's way of hugging me...at least that's how I like to think of it. My bear hug from God was all I needed to make it through the rest of the day. Throughout the day I also received so much encouragement from friends, family and my adopted social media family. Then there is my mom, God I don't know what I would do without that woman. She kept me laughing the whole day, just being silly. So, chemo cycle 3 day 1, I say was a success. Thank you to all who made my day turn out for the better! Love you guys XOXOXO

Fighting Through

This last  round of chemo was particularly rough. The actual week of chemo was so long I didn't think it would ever end. But of course I made it through and I was never so happy for a Friday to come. I know I've mentioned how draining chemotherapy is before but I don't think there are words to actually describe the intensity of it. I guess the only way I can think of is that it just physically drains the life out of you. If there was a way to record my moods or energy level each day, you would see it gradually trend down...until there is absolutely nothing left to give. Subsequently you're trying to regain strength and energy, which is draining within itself. I don't like to complain but chemotherapy really is the worst thing I have EVER experienced. 

I remember lying in bed Saturday morning listening to kids outside, laughing and playing. The sun was shinning, the leaves were glistening with the beautiful autumn hue of reds and oranges. All I could do was just lay there. I wanted so badly to go outside and just sit on the steps.... just to get some sunlight, and I could do nothing but lay there. I didn't even have the energy to cry. How depressing is that? I wanted so bad to feel sorry for myself and just lay in bed and cry...and I couldn't even do that. I spent the entire weekend lying around trying to will myself to feel better and there was nothing I could do. So, I just allowed my mind to go crazy and...think.

Your mindset has a lot to do with how you view things in life. I generally try to surround myself with positive people and things, to keep positive energy in my life. There are times, however, where I don't want to be positive. Where I just want to be a Debbie downer and complain and vent and whatever else. I believe those moments are just as important as being positive. I'm sorry but no one is ALWAYS happy go lucky. Character is built during times of adversity. I believe in those low moments when I'm feeling really down on myself, God is working on me. I don't know what His plan is but I will continue fighting through this battle until I come out Victorious on the other side!!

The Right Thing to Say

When people are going through some of what may seem to be the hardest trials in their life; i.e., death, sickness, money problems...you may try and find yourself struggling to find "the right thing to say." You could try and console your grief stricken best friend by saying, "Your father is now resting in a better place." Or comfort a friend in the hospital by telling them, "everything will be ok. You will be FINE." While these things are encouraging and can also be uplifting...sometimes it's just not the right thing to say. 

Well, what do you say to someone who is going through a major life situation that you may or may not be able to relate to? You say NOTHING, yes nothing. A lot of times we get caught up in "the right thing to say," that we don't actually take the time to listen to what ever that person is going through. I'm sure your grief stricken best friend knows her father is "resting in better place," but right then in that moment of consoling...your job is to only listen. Naturally your instinct is to take away that person's pain. I urge you to do the opposite. Allow her to cry and be angry and get mad at the world. Through her tears she will be renewed. I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to just complain about how I hate chemo and how I'd rather pluck out every single strand of hair one by one than to have chemo take it from me. I obviously know chemo is beneficial for me and my health, and my hair WILL grow back, blah, blah, blah...I KNOW. Not to sound insensitive but sometimes I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. Just let me mad or frustrated or whatever and when I'm done tell me good job, followed by a thumbs up. You never know what someone is actually going through unless you yourself are going through it. So, please before thinking of something clever to say, just listen... 

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Chemo Stole My hair

Here's the video of me finally shaving my hair!!

 My lovely mother did the honors

Everybody Hates Mondays

Everybody (in general) hates Mondays. They have never really bothered me personally, just another day to take over the world. Yesterday, proved to be a little more than I expected. As you know, it was the first day of my second cycle of chemo. I arrived at the hospital to have my PICC line* placed. My cousin and later my sister and mom were my support for the day. PICC line insertion was not too bad. The lady was working alone and she was older so it took a while to find a good vein. The PICC line nurse mentioned to me, "You have tiny veins, I'm guessing cause you are so tiny. You barely have any adipose tissue." Now I'm thinking to myself, "I'm actually at a healthy weight for my height and age and I thought having no adipose tissue was good?" Adipose tissue is just a fancy medical term for fat...in case you were wondering. Anyway, it didn't really bother me much. I'm quite comfortable with my petite size, petite girls have plenty of advantages ;-).
After my PICC was placed she wanted to be 100% sure it was in the right location...which means I was sent to have an xray for confirmation.

It was 11:30 once I was told that my PICC line placement was successfully and I was good to go for my chemo treatment. I was excited because my chemo appointment wasn't scheduled until 12:30. I naively assumed that this meant I start chemo sooner and get out much sooner than I originally expected, WRONG. I was not called back until around 2 -_-. As, I've mentioned before my treatments are generally 4-5 hours depending on the nurse. So, you already know I was slightly annoyed for having to wait so long. I didn't complain, I was just ready to get started. Approximately, 3 hours into my treatment...I began to have a reaction to Bleomycin (a chemotherapy agent). Now I've received this drug before but I only get it on the first day, Monday, of each cycle. I began to complain of feeling "winded," like I had just climbed a few flights of stairs. I also began getting hives in my lower back which itched like crazy. I told my nurse....well my mom told my nurse (she was a little more worried than me) and the nurse came with another nurse and the Physician's Assistant to assess me. They took my vitals, and gave me some Benadryl IV. Now I know I'm a nurse and I know the side effects of drugs but mind you I have never had to actually take some of these drugs before. Benadryl in pill form, yes, but Benadryl IV nope, never. When I tell you I thought I was drunk out my mind lol. I felt dizzy like the room and my body were swaying, I felt as if I were slurring my words and just rambling. I wish someone would have recorded it because I know I was hilarious. Once the initial impact wore off I was knocked out like a baby. I think I finally made it home around 8:30. It was a terribly long day but a good day to say the least. We shall see how the rest of this week goes. Prayers up ;-)

*a peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC). It is long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a peripheral vein, typically in the upper arm, and advanced until the catheter tip terminates in a large vein in the chest near the heart to obtain intravenous access. PICC lines are similar to a standard IV but are generally used for long term IV use, i.e. chemotherapy. -http://picclinenursing.com/picc_why.html

One More Week of Freedom

My chemo got pushed back another week, yay!! I was suppose to start Monday but my neutrophil count had only increased to 600 over the weekend : /  So, instead of starting my second cycle of chemotherapy, I was sent home to enjoy the rest of my week. I don't know if it's wrong to be excited, but I don't care at this moment. I get another week to relax and "be normal." So that's exactly what I did after I got my results. I spent the last week being as normal as I could be. I was able to start running again...and I ran every single day lol. This weekend was my college homecoming aka Greatest Homecoming on Earth (GHOE), which means a lot of my friends came into town. My line sister, Kristie, took me to get a mani/pedi (my guilty pleasure). My sister and my friend Audrey also stopped by to spend some time with me. Friday, I had to go back to the hospital to have my labs drawn again...just to be sure my neutrophil count was high enough to start chemo on Monday, November 4. Immediately after I left the hospital, I grabbed my things and made the drive to GHOE.

This was by far the best weekend I've had in a long time. I saw some of my friends and best of all some of my supporters. So many people who follow my story came up to me just to hug me and let me know they were praying for me. It's nice to know you have people in your corner. People I don't even know. It's truly a blessing, I can't even describe the feeling. I was so eager to indulge in the activities so I got dressed, put some lipstick on and made my way to a party or two :-) It was great to dance and have a couple drinks (literally a couple) and just forget about everything. For one weekend I forgot about cancer, chemo, doctor's appointments and anything negative in my life and it was AWESOME!! I wanted so badly to see all my friends and make every party, however my body wouldn't allow me. So, I quickly was reminded "listen to your body Crystal." and in the midst of all the partying, I took a nap whenever needed. Saturday night I even went to bed at 7 :-( I may not have been able to hang like I wanted but I'm more than happy I went. I want to thank everyone who encouraged me to have a great time. Going to GHOE was probably the best thing I did in a while.

What a Difference a Week Makes

This is from  the left and right sides of my hair. Just from my mom combing my hair to put in two braids.

This week has been interesting to say the least. As you can see my hair decided to come out this week. The top two pictures were just taken last week and the bottom two were taken yesterday. If you saw the video I posted previously, you'll see how I was affected when my hair first started to come out.  It has been a very emotional experience thus far but I'm managing pretty well. Thanks to all my supporters for your prayers and encouragement!!

When Life Hands you a Lemon...

Things in life never go as planned, which is why I try to be a free spirit. Wherever life takes me that day, that's where I'm going. I try not to argue with life...it's easier that way. When life hands me a lemon, I make lemonade (corny I know). But I think it helps to manage a lot of stressful situations....Get a flat tire on my way to work..."Welp, maybe there was a traffic accident I was meant to avoid." Try and find the positive in every situation, that's how I try and live life. Today, was no different. I went to the hospital to have labs drawn and later met with my oncologist. After, I catch her up on my life for the last two weeks, she proceeds to tell me the plan for next week. "Your neutrophil count is low (part of white blood cells). So, we may have to push your chemo back a week." I'm usually the one that asks a question I don't necessarily want the answer to but I need to know..."How low is low?" "Well, it came back at 500, and we like to see you at 1500, which is normal. We like for you to be 1500 before you start your next chemotherapy cycle." Now, some people may gripe and complain about chemo being delayed, some may be excited to get another week off. I was both happy and annoyed, go figure. Of course I want to continue with my treatments, the sooner I start, the sooner I can get them over with. On the other hand, my college homecoming is this week and I was already not excited about missing it...so missing chemo next week means I could possibly attend more festivities. Yay!! I get to see all of my friends, eat great food, and maybe even get to drink a glass of wine...or 2! See where my priorities are? Lol, no but on a serious note. Either way I'm OK. Monday morning, I will go have my labs drawn and depending on the results I may or may not have chemo. Situations like these you just have to accept either situation. Find the good in everything, that's my motto. Don't get me wrong I have my, "eff the world" moments, but I always come back to my optimism. It helps to keep me sane when the rest of the world wants to throws shade my way.

Hair Shedding Part2

I wanted to make a post in correlation with my hair shedding video. First, let me say that it was by no means easy for me to post that video. Yesterday, I washed my hair, which was about 2 weeks from when I first started chemo. I was expecting to have some shedding, because of what came out Saturday night. As, I was in the shower detangling my hair, literally clumps of hair came out with each comb through. It may not have been as bad if I combed my hair on a regular basis but I have curly hair so I comb it about 1-2 times a week. As, I'm in the shower setting clumps of hair on the side of the tub, I finally just stopped. My hair had thinned out so much I couldn't take it any more. I wanted to capture the moment, no matter how traumatized I was. So, I got out of the shower wrapped up in a towel, grabbed my phone and immediately started recording. What you guys saw was my immediate reaction to me not just losing my hair but to everything. So, many people have said, "it's just hair, it will grow back," or "you're beautiful with or without hair." I know everyone means well but that really has nothing to do with my tears. 

You see this past weekend was probably the best I've felt since I started chemo. My pooh took my out and we spent the day together just doing "normal stuff." My hair was big and curly, I felt great and I was able to get out of the house...doesn't get much better than that. We went to eat at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants and I ate and ate and ate. Next we went to Krispy Kreme and I ate some more. We walked the mall, and window shopped some. Then, went bowling where I beat him 4 times in a row (don't tell him I told you that though). It was just a great day, not because of our quality time but because it was the first time in weeks that I felt "normal." I didn't once feel like "the sick girl." My priceless moment was that I forgot I even had cancer. Washing my hair yesterday, quickly brought me back to reality. As, my hair was coming out, everything became so surreal. I remember thinking to myself, "WOW, you really have cancer." 

As I faced myself in the mirror, I was forced to look at myself...I mean really look at myself. I saw a young woman who has the ability to conquer anything. I saw love, strength and courage in my eyes. I wiped my tears, cleaned up my hair, and put a smile back on my face. I debated all day on whether or not to post the video. I struggled with the thought of allowing everyone to see me in such a vulnerable state. Not many people have seen me cry, I can probably count them on one hand. After, talking to my pooh, I decided to share. I hope I didn't depress anyone too bad with my tears but know that I am OK. I just wanted people to see that cancer is REAL. Cancer does not discriminate to age or race. I have cancer but cancer does not have me!! I am a survivor and I will overcome this obstacle. God bless everyone for being so supportive. Love you guys :-)

Hair Shedding

I apologize it's sideways but I can't figure out how to turn it. But you can still get the idea. Watch with caution...had a cry baby moment :*(

Natural Hair Love

I've been having a great hair week *does happy dance* For those who don't know I've been growing my naturally for about 5 years. It has been a lonnnng process but I have finally figured out a regimen that works for me. When I straightened my hair for chemo, I also got a much needed trim and baby when I tell you the trim gave my hair life!!! Lol, I was so excited to see how healthy my hair had become. I was also sad because I knew it was only temporary. Despite the inevitable I chose to enjoy my head full of healthy curls for the week. Fast forward to Saturday night and it was almost time to wash my hair. I decided to twist it instead and just wash it the following day. I've twisted my hair before, pretty simple process. Except, as I began separating and detangling my hair, I noticed some shedding...way more than usual. I started to freak. I'm not ready to lose my hair, not that I ever will be...but I 've come so far!! I continued to twist my hair very gently, tied it up and went to sleep. The next morning my twistout didn't look too nice, so I improvised. I played around with my hair until I figured out a style suitable enough for church....can't go to church looking crazy lol. Anyway, I was able to get my hair up into a bun. A BUN!! I was able to put MY hair into a BUN!! I think it's been years since I've been able to wear my own hair in a bun while it's in its natural state. *happy dance* This may seem trivial and underwhelming to some. But if you know me you know how I am about my hair. Which only means when it starts coming out like forreal forreal, I already know it's gonna be traumatizing. 

3rd Day wash n go

My bun ;-)

Shedding

Learning to Listen to My Body

This past week has been pretty rough for me. It was my first week of rest after chemo and my body was doing all kind of crazy things. Well maybe not "crazy" per-say but I definitely went through a lot of different changes. The weekend after I finished chemo I was sooooo exhausted. I tried to get as much rest as I could but it was so hard for me to get any sleep. I'm taking quite a few medications and one in particular is a steroid which is what contributes to my insomnia. When I tell you I have a few medications, what I really mean is, I have something for EVERYTHING!! I have two different medications for nausea which I take around the clock, and a steroid. But wait there's more...I started having the worst indigestion ever known to man  so I have some Zantac for that. I also bought some Tums for immediate relief (YES it's THAT serious) Then one of the meds started causing me to itch so I got some Benadryl, which I was also hoping it would help me get some sleep but that was a joke. By Tuesday, I requested a prescription for something to help me sleep so now I have something for that. I'm sure I left something out but you get the point. 

So, I haven't been able to sleep, I have indigestion, starting to get acne really bad (a side effect of one of the meds I'm sure), my torso and arms are sore, as if someone beat me up, my scalp is now sore, and my body is exhausted. Needless to say, I spent the first week adjusting to all the madness. I had to learn to listen to my body and try not to do too much at once. For example, the first day I had energy, I decided to go for a bike ride. I probably made it to the stop sign before I realized what a terrible idea that was. A mile into it, I was so tired and my heart was beating so fast I didn't think I was going to make it home. Yeah so I won't do that again smh. By, Friday I finally got a routine down to help conserve energy throughout an entire day. We'll see how my routine changes as I continue with my treatments. So, far I believe I'm managing pretty well.